This Means War!!!!

I always suspected that I may have multiple-personality or bi-polar disorder, but I really think that it boils down to this...  There is a girl who lives inside me.

She runs purely on impulse.  She needs instant gratification.  She eats anything she wants and says "I deserve it."  She's "too tired" or "too busy" or just doesn't feel like working out.  She takes the elevator instead of the stairs... because she can.  She is fat, unhealthy, unhappy with herself and that just made those poor decisions keep coming and coming.  And the worst part about it all is that she complained constantly.  "Why don't I have any energy?"  "Why can't I get anything done?"  "I feel fat."  "I can't look at myself in the mirror."  "I can't do this."

This girl USED to run me.

I can't remember precisely the moment that things changed.  I don't think that it was one day that I could pinpoint.  I think it just started with a single step.  I remembered how much better I felt when I worked out.  So I started one day.  And I hated it.  But I gave it one more day.  And that turned into another.  Then I started tracking what I ate.  I ate less.  I kept working out.

Then the girl came back.  She said, "You know, you're spending a lot of time doing this, but you aren't seeing a lot of results.  Is it really worth it?"  "It's really hard.  Your friends eat what they want."  So I bailed on some workouts, and I ate whatever and whenever the mood struck.  And I felt miserable.

So I punched the girl out and dove in headfirst.  I started the hardest workout I'd ever tried up to that time (P90X).  And it took time, and I was sore, and it wasn't fun to eat less and eat better.  But it shut her up for a while.  I gained some energy that helped to push me through from one day to the next.  I started getting stronger.  And I was losing weight.  People started to notice.  And that b!tch would poke her head in every once in a while and bother me, but I would push her down.

But sometimes I would lose.  It would last a day, or a week or a month, but eventually I would remember how good I felt and that I WAS WORTH IT to make these positive changes in my life.  I would tell myself, "Just work out for 5 minutes" "just drive past Mickey D's once, you can go the next time."  In truth, I was just using mental judo on her.  On myself.  AND IT WORKS!!!

Some people are hard-wired to want to eat fruits and vegetables with every meal and run 5 miles a day.  That is NOT me.  I grew up on fast food and home cooked comfort food.  I was uncoordinated so I never got into sports and instead would stay in my room all day and read.  I love chocolate, booze, and fried food.  But there SHOULD come a point in your life when you realize that all of this can't be good for you.  And almost every day is a battle between what you want and what you need.  It's not just about diet and exercise.  It's about self worth, determination and confidence.

So as time has gone on, I have been beating that girl more than she has beaten me.  And I have 50 pounds gone, a stronger, healthier body, more energy, a more balanced mind, confidence, and countless other rewards to show for it.  And through it all, I know that I don't have to beat her all time.  Sometimes I give her what she wants just to lull her into submission.  :)

I hope that this helps to motivate you.  Don't ever discount one small change, 10 minutes of exercise, taking the stairs, because as long as you make the right choices more often than not, you have won the war!

P.S.  I won again this morning.  Skipped the Tim Horton's cafe mocha and a bagel with cream cheese (600 calories) in favor of Shakeology (with peanut butter!!!!!) and a bagel thin with cream cheese for 415 calories.  I lost calories, gained nutrition, saved gas money and shut that girl's big mouth!  :)